dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
