I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
