it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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