Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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