Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
