I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
