I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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