she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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