K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
