FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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