You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
