Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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