so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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