dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
