He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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