Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
