6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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