i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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