chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
