I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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