i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
