Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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