I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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