sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
