it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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