just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
