I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
