I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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