i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
