if i can run in heels then i can drive
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
