yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize