I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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