I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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