I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
