Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
