I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
