shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
