Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
