If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize