Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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