my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
