Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
