Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize