Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
