umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
