dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
