I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
