The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
