the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
