So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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