need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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