the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
