the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
