just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
