I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
