Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
