the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
