so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
