ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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