Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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