I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
