Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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