ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
