Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
