Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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