my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she peed on how many people?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
