me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
