I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
