Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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