Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bring me that man meat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
