After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
