For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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