I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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