I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize