Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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