FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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