The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
