Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
