Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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