I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
