This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
