I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
