smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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