I want to have your abortion
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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